Excitement Meets Reality
Moving abroad for a new position is an exciting adventure of personal growth and career development. You are eager to move and meet the new team. You are eager to settle into your new office and use your new desk. When travelling alone, everything “might” be easier. However, what happens when your partner is accompanying?
While both are starting from scratch, one is more vulnerable and dependent on the other. If there are children in the family, it is a different story, but still, the spouse needs a fulfilling life beyond family responsibilities.
In most cases, your new job means a better position, but your spouse may be facing uncertainty. Maybe your partner can continue the previous job remotely, maybe not. Looking for a job in a foreign country is daunting task, and sometimes, depending of your field, you may not be able to practice your profession.
Balancing Aspirations
Take my own experience: as a Psychologist, my profession is regulated, meaning I have to go through a homologation process every time I move to a new place. It is a long process, and sometimes you get the answer when you are already leaving the country. The same goes for many other professions. Does it sound discouraging?
I love challenges and I set clear goals wherever I go. When I was living in Spain, I could not work right away, so I was doing volunteer work with teens in vulnerable conditions and with elderly people in isolated situations; I earned a master degree; I even learned one of the toughest western languages, which allowed me getting a job before arriving to Finland. If you are proactive, open to learning and willing to immerse yourself in new experiences, you can get the best out of yourself!
Living in Finland has been a different experience, but I am achieving the goals I set when I arrived. It is true that there were many disappointing moments, and one of the hardest was when I received the rejection mail for a PhD program I had applied for. However, it taught me a lot about myself: I am great at developing programs and researching, but my true passion lies in working directly with people.
A New Plan on the Horizon
Now, plans have changed, and we might be moving abroad next year. I have already started thinking and planning for this transition. Such life changes are profound, and that is why I am building this project: to help people embrace life transitions with resilience and purpose.
Some months ago, I attended a wedding and met a man who was deeply worried about his future. His wife was moving from country to country, and he did not know how it would affect his own career. We had a long conversation, and I could see how much our talk helped ease his anxiety. Managing uncertainty, especially at the beginning, takes strength, patience, and creativity. On the other hand, I met a mother who was perfectly happy staying home to care for her children while living abroad. I have many stories of this kind, and they all show how different people’s aspirations can be, and how critical it is to align your desires with your present reality. The challenge arises when they do not.
Nowadays, it is more common for men not be the breadwinner of their families. Times have changed, but many of us were raised with values from a different generation. Comments of parents and friends may not be encouraging and hurt our feelings and self-esteem, with words like “lazy”, “lifer”, “slacker” or “bon vivant”comes to my mind. These labels do not reflect the reality we face, because moving every few years and starting over demands resilience, creativity and hard work.
Key Takeaways for the Accompanying Partner
Resilience and Wellbeing
Although your partner has a job, a team and a desk waiting, it does not mean she/he has everything granted. Starting a new position comes with its own pressures: learning new skills, managing expectations, and the stress of wanting to make a good impression. I recall attending a workshop that highlighted the importance of supporting your partner during these transitions. Even though they land with a job, they still need emotional and practical support at home. Everyone needs support and starting is always hard.
Living abroad brings both opportunities and challenges, but building resilience and prioritizing your wellbeing are essential for making the most of this fresh start. Whether you are the one starting a new role or the partner navigating new territory, finding balance and embracing the adventure will help you thrive in your new life abroad.
