When You Feel Behind Living Abroad

When you’re a foreigner, it’s easy to feel like you’re always a few steps behind. You look around and see people who seem to be thriving — making friends, building careers, fitting in — and you can’t help but compare your daily struggles to their highlights. Quietly, it chips away at your confidence. You start to feel “less than,” like you’re missing something everyone else has figured out.

But the truth is: your journey is your own. Living abroad is not a race or a performance — it’s a personal, messy, beautiful process of growth. And instead of comparing, it might help to start noticing the small wins. Maybe you handled a difficult phone call in a new language, or made it through a tough week feeling a bit more resilient. Those things count. Celebrate progress, not perfection.

Living abroad offers a rare chance to stretch beyond what’s familiar. The more you allow yourself to make mistakes — and learn from them — the deeper you grow. That’s where the real transformation happens: not when everything is smooth, but when you’re adapting, shifting, and staying present even when it’s hard. Some days will feel clumsy, exhausting, or frustrating. That’s not a failure — that’s the work of change.

One thing I’ve noticed in this process is that many expats avoid connecting with people from their own country. They want the “authentic” experience, which is understandable. But sometimes, in doing that, we end up isolating ourselves within a bubble of other internationals — people who are also not fully part of the local culture. We limit ourselves without meaning to.

Don’t reduce your world. Expand it. Reach out to locals. Ask questions. Be curious, even if you don’t always understand the answers. Say yes to small invitations, even if they feel awkward. The more you connect, the more confident you become. Your network grows. Your perspective shifts. And so do your possibilities.

I truly believe we are all interconnected — yes, like Jung said, the collective unconscious is real. And I also believe that most people are kind, and willing to help, if we let them. But it starts with opening up and allowing ourselves to be seen — not as perfect foreigners doing everything right, but as real humans navigating unfamiliar ground.

Living abroad isn’t just about learning a new culture. It’s about learning new parts of yourself. And that kind of learning takes time, space, and support.

If this resonates with you, you’re not alone. And if you’re struggling to find your footing, I’m here to help. Maybe no one needs coaching, but I believe everyone deserves it.